Self-leadership: Beginning with the 'Self'

A ship's navigator uses lighthouses as points of focus on the vessel's journey to its destination. If he did not know how to use these and other navigational aids, how would he know where the pitfalls to avoid were? In much the same way, to have more than an existence, self-leadership is the key to discovering these 'navigational aids' for our own lives.

In December 2005, I wrote about taking The Journey Inwards. I continue today on the same theme; that it is a journey of self-leadership. It is a far larger concept than personal effectiveness, although that is certainly one of the aspects of a life where self-leadership is in evidence.

Self-leadership is the inward journey taken by individuals to identify and clarify their core values and who constantly seek the alignment of attitudes and behaviour to those values. Be absolutely CLEAR - self-leadership is not an event or even a series of events; it is a life-long discipline. Hence, there is NO way I am THE finished product myself, despite advocating it myself.

I began my own inward journey most seriously when I became a father about 6 years ago. As an employed individual then, I found myself seeking what was important to me. The job was taking too much time and giving too much heartache. Worse, the self-doubt was eating away at me and spilling over into my family relationships. The resulting internal discussion soon became a conversation with Brenda, because she was, and is, an extremely important part of my life.

We both soon discovered that the self-leadership journey truly had to begin with our self-image: that is, my identity as an individual husband and father. Across these relationships which defined me, I pinned down important aspects of my journey inwards. I am sharing 3 in this entry, to whoever wants to begin a similar journey

First, self-leadership is about clarifying values; distinguishing between the 'negotiables' and 'non-negotiables' in my life. I realised that values were the bedrock of my attitudes, which were in turn responsible for my behaviours and the quality of my relationships. As I tested this discovery by looking at the decisions in my life, I saw that each time I began negotiating what were non-negotiables, there was greater internal conflict which spilled over into key relationships in my life. Conversely, by keeping my values intact, decision-making became less painful.

Second, self-leadership is a reflective process. Socrates, the ancient Greek philosopher in his Apologia written circa 400 BC, said:
"A life unreflected upon is a life not worth living."
Without active reflection, we fail to use the lessons which life freely dispenses, which when heeded, would give us the wherewithal to live it more richly. Without reflecting on how we have lived a day, we are perhaps doomed to fritter away the day that is yet to come.

Third, self-leadership is about taking charge and living out your values. 6 years ago, Brenda and I reached the decision to follow the inner clarion call to leave employment and to create something that we could call our own. This would give us the flexibility of time, which we could spend to grow up with Ethan. Being my son's best friend in his teens meant that I needed to spend time with him from his infancy. I guess the easier alternative was to just 'go with the flow' and let the momentum of career and life carry me. However, I just didn't want to be a hostage of circumstances anymore.

Each day on this journey of self-leadership, I gain renewed clarity about the non-negotiables in my life. Each step on this journey, I maintain focus on these non-negotiables by the discipline of a reflected life.

Noel
Resident Philosopher
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